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Name: XS Age:......(a woman's age is her greatest secret) Gender: *points above*

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My heart's desires

1. Genectrols (D-generation) [a story I'm working on fictionpress.com]

2. Able to keep my results up-to-par

3. Find some time for drawing

4. Hope the mangakas that are causing me so much anguish with their unfinished works would update ><

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Sunday, September 20, 2009

Genectrols: D-generation [Phase 2]

Smothering. That is exactly how he felt, ever since he came to realize this world.
Who is he? What is he living for?
The most primitive memory he possessed, was of some “lid” being lifted away from him, then a blinding white light surrounding him.
Medical murmurs rose all around, excited gibbers he could not comprehend.
Then he found himself in a room. A simple, small, plain white cube, just four walls, a ceiling, and a cushioned floor, nothing else.
A place, devoid of life.
Then he was given his name, via a mechanical voice. Night Canyon.
He knew it’s wrong, somehow, deep within himself, yet he could never place a finger to it.
The only things inked into his mind were fragments of information, skills.
How to pilot an Assault Unit, how to kill, how to avoid getting killed.
Just “how”, never “why”.

Enclosed in the confinement, he lost sense of time. Injections at certain intervals were his only gauge.
Then one day, a door appeared. He walked towards it. He wanted, out.
Behind the door laid a long tunnel. No other choice.
At the end of the tunnel was no light.
There it stood, tall and regal, a glamorous A.U.
As if on instinct, he reached for the cockpit. Climb in, start the system, launch into battle.
Kill.
Return.
He never knew why he always returned to the oppressing place. Maybe, he just did not know of anywhere else.
Slowly, the whole thing became a routine.
He could feel that there is life around him; there always is.
Yes he could never reach them, see them.
When he was piloting, there was never any communication with other units. They were just tools, following a central command.

All changed when one day, his unit accidentally, by unknown means, captured some signals from nearby. Then, he began to LEARN.
In battle, he slowly learnt of this strange and intimidating world from the stray signal floating all around them.
He came to know, that he was merely a clone.
As all of them, the pilots on their side, are.
The world is roughly split into ten “planets”.
His “planet” was Helluw, Vena.
He came to know, bits and pieces of the A.F. history, of the last Universal war, a full-blown wave of destruction that wreaked all ten planets.
That was all he could gather, but he rendered that these information were enough.

That was why, when he was ordered to infiltrate the Errian Space to face two units, he was not the least bit worry.
He knew them to be royalty. He though they had little in-battle experience.
That was why he was so shocked, when they were on par with him, even having a little edge.
“Hmm…these two…Their skills are not bad! Fact! They’re really coordinated!” Just like them…Hope…and Faith…twins……
He had no idea why is it these two units that popped into his mind……
As if, it is something buried in the depths of his memory, so deep, he could no longer recall.
“No! Concentrate! Don’t let these things affect you!” He did not know why the name Kranyon suddenly appeared in his mind, just like the units Hope and Faith……
As if, a lost part of himself, a forgotten past, slowly piecing itself together.

“Bring out all that you have! I’m ready to take whatever you throw at me!”
He readied the chest cannon of his A.U.—Leo.
Just as it was about to blast at the sliver unit, his A.U. was violently rocked by several beams from a unexpected sources.
“Ah……”
Two other units, one blue, one bronze, joined in the fray.
Unexpected situation. He was at a loss. To retreat or to stay?

“Those two new arrivals…they don’t look like they’re from Erra…Incoming transmission?...again?” He pressed down on the accept button on the touch-screen. Where else can the signal be from other than the central command?
Thus his shock when he saw a strange face gradually appear on the screen.
“Unknown unit…You! You look familiar!......”
“Kranyon Taruk?” He blurted out the name that kept on showing itself in his mind. He already had a guess on what happened. All he needs is a confirmation.
“Yes…but……”
“No…”his fear realized, he gritted his teeth. “No! That’s not me! I’m just his clone!”
“Remember, I am Night Canyon, pilot of Leo A.U.” He didn’t care if the communication was already cut off. He just wanted to reassure himself, that he is an independent individual, not someone else.
Activating the beam sabre fixed on his A.U.’s “wrists”, he charged toward the others. The bronze unit came against him.

Sparks flew as their melee weapons collided, only extinguished too quickly by the vacuum of space.
Seeing no possibility in completing his mission, he fled out into open space.
He had to go back, to Vena Helluw…no matter how reluctant……
He fears to return, yet he could find nowhere else to go……

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xsy at 9:07 PM

Thursday, September 10, 2009

星期四了。快了。假期马上就完了。接下来就是升学考试了。
不知道为什么,昨天突然一时兴起,去查了下李煜这个人,于是有感而发……

李煜,南唐后主,词帝。
只叹,他错生帝王家。
看到评论,皆是说他只适合做一个词人,不适合作皇帝。
是啊,该杀的留,该赦者杀。
如此帝王,唯有亡国。
也有称,是他作为帝王的悲剧,造就了他词坛上的地位。无可否认。
在此,我不想揣测他的想法。
只是觉得,李煜这个人,特别复杂。
真正的文人,应该是学不会勾心斗角的,因为只有这样,他才能够潜心研究文学的真谛。
然而,作为一个集权的统治者,一个帝王,胸无城府,要怎样驾驭大权?
况且,生长在深宫之中,对外界,又能有多了解?
要知道,世间,人人都在觊觎那个宝座。
太平盛世还好,偏偏他接的又是南唐这个烂摊子。
即位时,南唐已成为了宋的附属国。
换作别人,又会如何?又能如何?
终是难逃一死。宋朝皇帝不可能放过他。
潜心文学?文学源自生活,生活则与政治脱不了干系。
要从鸡蛋里挑骨头不难;实在挑不出,大不了放根骨头进去。
哪怕,他再无心于政治。身份,不允。
总觉得,他的人生,很无奈。
国,注定要亡。势力差距太悬殊了。
身不由己,只因,命运的作弄。
有时,最可怕的,是知道事情即将发生,却无力阻止……

(插花:能跟得上我跳跃性极强的思维者,世上,又有几人?!*叹*)

总觉得,作个君王,也蛮无奈的。做什么事,一举一动,历史都在监视着;做什么,都要考虑到皇家颜面、身份问题等等等等一大串问题,时时刻刻要堤防着明抢暗箭…最重要的是,不是你想不想做的问题,往往也不顾你愿不愿意做,那顶帽子就扣下来了,然后你就得干这行干一辈子,跳槽=妄想……
有些人,为了帝位耍尽手段,却一辈子也没能与其沾上边……
有些人,无心天下、江山,却偏偏成了九五至尊……

《乌夜啼》
【南唐】李煜
林花谢了春红,太匆匆,无奈朝来寒雨晚来风。
胭脂泪,相留醉,几时重,自是人生长恨水长东。


人生长恨水长东…人生长恨水长东…人生长恨水长东……
PS: 李煜他和赵匡胤、赵光义(匡义)兄弟还真是剪不断、理还乱啊啊啊啊啊!

然后通过“命运爱作弄人”,又联想到三国。
人人都记得那灼红了半壁长江的赤壁之战…又有谁,会知道多年前,江东的故事?
孙郎周郎。孙郎,非辛弃疾笔下的那个孙仲谋;是孙权他哥,孙伯符,小霸王孙策。
平江东六郡,开创东吴霸业,为日后三国中鼎立一方的孙吴奠定基础……
和大多数人不同,我不是通过周瑜才认识到孙策。
一开始接触三国,目光就被他所吸引。或许,只是因为他年少吧?还是,直觉?很多年前的事了,也不记得,当初为何如此。
《三国演义》,埋没了他。其中的他,不过是一个小小的配角。二十六年,不过是漫长的三国时代的一瞬。连周瑜这个赤壁的主将、曹操这个乱世奸雄都因作者偏袒“蜀”而沦为奸诈小人,又怎能指望……
没有他,就没有后来的江东,这是必然。
历史上,如他这般才貌双备,文武具全,少年成名的人本就少之又少…虽说红颜多薄命,名将不让见白头…但二十六岁就“仙逝”未免也太早了吧!又怎能叫人不心痛…不郁闷……
相较周瑜,孙策留给人的,更多的是一种遗憾,一种朦胧……
美姿颜,善笑语……

太多的倘若…历史所留下的,有太多的遗憾……

PS: 别给我提起《三国无双》里的那个…我拒绝承认他是伯符*自我催眠中,碎碎念ing……*
《三国演义》电视剧里的也那个也让我恶寒……
《火凤燎原》里的那只小雀斑还好些,虽然离我心目中的形象还有好些距离……

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xsy at 12:05 AM